Trauma can take many forms, and it is totally normal if you are not sure if what you are going through can be labelled as “trauma”. Perhaps you were abused or physically attacked and you haven’t been the same since. Perhaps you experienced an illness that undermined your independence. Or perhaps you grew up in a family where you never truly felt safe, your caretakers were at the source of your fear, and you’ve always been a “worrier”.
When we experience something that threatens or sense of safety or sense of self, our mind shifts into a tense and elevated state. Our mind is constantly vigilant and we are unable to feel relaxed. We are constantly on the lookout for signs of danger. We are bumped out of our resilience zone, meaning we don’t have the tools to calm ourselves down and keep moving forward.
This is a natural response to an overwhelming experience. The idea of feeling so powerlessness again is so harrowing, that we become unable to feel fully safe and let go. Living in this constant state of alertness is exhausting and it can wreak havoc in your life and relationships. Even if you truly desire to “switch off”, a part of you finds it almost impossible to do so.
Therapy is the space where you can break free from these past experiences and start to feel more at ease. A safe and trusting therapeutic relationship creates the opportunity for you to let go and to love yourself again. Just as painful encounters can leave you feeling defenceless and unsafe, a therapeutic relationship can undo this harm and help you move forward.
Don’t worry if this seems like too remote a possibility right now. You don’t need to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. Healing starts when you tell the nagging voice in your mind that you won’t listen to it any more and that you CAN learn to feel good about yourself. With some time, you can discover strengths and skills that you didn’t realise you had, and you can start enjoying your life and relationships again.
“As children we are not responsible for what happen to us but as adults we are responsible to heal.”
Anxiety is a constant feeling of worry that sucks the joy out of everything.
You worry about things that happened, things that might happen. Things that probably won’t happen but you still need a plan for, just in case.
But no matter how much planning and scheming you do, there is no end to it. There is always something that might go wrong.
You analyze everything everyone says to you – what did they mean by that? why did they say it in that tone? do they hate me?
It is normal to wish that you had a mind that didn’t think so many thoughts per second, and at the same time be grateful that you have such foresight and ability to plan for all of the things that might go wrong. Anxiety can feel like your greatest ally and your greatest enemy.
In therapy you can learn how to:
- Manage your feelings so you are not overwhelmed by small decisions and daily tasks
- Learn how to look after yourself and your emotional well being
- Replace the critical voice in your mind with a kind and loving one
- Set healthy boundaries without feeling guilty
- Respect yourself and gain more be respected by others
- Have a healthier relationship with yourself and others
“It is not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.”
Personal Growth & Empowerment
You know you have the potential to live a happier life, but something is standing in the way. That nagging voice in your head won’t let you take risks or oppotunities that might make your life better.
“You’re not good enough”
“Who are you to achieve anything meaningful”
“It’s unsafe, you don’t have the skills or the knowledge to accomplish important things”
You rely on other people, or on bad habits, to feel safe and to give your life purpose and direction. Something has to change but you don’t have the strength, willpower or motivation to live your life on your own terms. Too many situations make you unfomfortable, too many interactions are overwhelming, too many things seem unbearably complicated… Discouraged and stuck in a “comfort” zone that is anything but pleasant.
I’m here to tell you that the voice inside your head is dead wrong. Your feelings and behaviours aren’t a consequence of your being “weak”. They are a symptom of something else going on inside you. Something is blocking you from realising your strengths. When you remove these blocks and you learn to manage difficult emotions, you can start to feel in control over your life.
Therapy can help you tap into your strengths. Find out what they are and how you can build on them.
When you put in the work in therapy, you start to trust that you will be alright, even if things don’t always go your way. You start to be comfortable making bold moves. You recognise when you’ve done something well and start to feel proud of what you’ve done so far, rather than ashamed that you haven’t achieved yet.
If you’ve been feeling stuck for a long time, stop trying to go at it on your own! With the right support and guidance you can break the cycle of disappointment, hopelessness and frustration, and replace it with happiness, ease and fulfilment.
As humans, our lives are complex and our distress doesn’t always fit into clear cut labels.
If you are struggling with one of the above issue, you might also be dealing with a number of co-occurring issues. That is okay, we will address them all holistically in therapy. These might include:
Low Self Esteem
Poor Communication With Partners
Poor Boundary Setting
Feeling Empty/ Without Purpose
More Information About My Services:
Be Kind Counseling, LLC maintains this internet site as a resource to our clients. It is not intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy. Included are direct links to other websites which we believe may be helpful; however, this does not imply that Be Kind Counseling, LLC endorses all the information provided at each of these sites.